Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
