shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
