I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
nutella sex= disaster
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
