This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
