It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
