He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
