office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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