I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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