that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
