a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
