sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
