This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
