just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
