no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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