Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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