So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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