btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
