Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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