So drunk its hurt
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
