this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
