The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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