im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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