I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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