I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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