There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
