Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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