I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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