Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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