I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
