I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
