Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
