Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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