He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
