Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
