He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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