You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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