What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
