i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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