How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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