Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
