you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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