just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
