Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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