A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
