i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
