Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
