By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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