No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
