it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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