I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
