sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
