oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't put those talents on a resume
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
