Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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